Tough

Since I was in form 6; I am able to buy all the New Year cloths, food, drinks for my family. I managed to bring them for a trip- at lease Bukit Merah every year. I worked during holiday and I am able to use the money to provide my family a prosperous New Year. But, not this year……..

This New Year is tough for me….seems as I am too useless, I cannot do anything to help. I only manage to buy some cookies and some soft drinks but not cloths, not seafood anymore….I feels upset actually. When I was still studying I’m able to do better, now I’m working but I can’t help……I am moving backward in my life…..

I still can get bonus during my first year working….this is the second year but I do not have bonus. I can still get commission during my first job, but I do not have any commission this year. I was a big fish last year and suddenly I become a small fish this year. I am so close with my boss and colleague last year, but not anymore this year in my new company….

Everything is moving backward. I can survive and support my family just with my PTPTN when I was in university, after I come out to work. I cannot support them and need to survive with lowest lifestyle. I was appreciated last time, I was so confident, I was a helpful asset last time, this year, I am useless, no self confident, troublesome, helpless. I really upset with all this, this really spoiled my reputation, spoiled my image. Why can I let all these things to happened?

These happened for some purpose, I hope that I fulfilled the purpose and I can make it better after CNY. I need a new life, new direction and new image…….I cannot let this one year become the black dot in my life, I have to change it….I really need to…..